stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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