walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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