they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
