Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
