Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
