I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
