Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
