All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
