you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
