i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
