You're completely useless in the revolution.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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