well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
