Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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