You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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