You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
