I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
