If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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