dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
