whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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