if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
