We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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