i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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