will power is for people who don't want to get laid
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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