did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
