this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
