mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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