That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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