how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
