it hurts more in the daytime
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
