he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
