There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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