Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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