I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
