So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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