He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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