Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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