Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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