saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
