She is in my trunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
