We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
