just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
