I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
