I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize