Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
