so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
