dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
