i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
