I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
