apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
