tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
