turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
