90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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