....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My ass is underappreciated
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
