So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
