Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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