i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
